Embrace change.

I've struggled to find the time to blog, though the absence of blogging doesn't reflect the lack of having anything to blog about.

There has been many highs and lows since my last post, a birth (our third child was born in May!) and a death of a close loved one included.

Dad was being considered for a study (details here) and we found out in August that due to his current heart condition he did not qualify.  While we are disappointed, we are trusting that this door was closed for reasons beyond our understanding.

My whole life I've struggled with change. I put up a good fight, kicking and screaming (& many times crying). In this season, I'm realizing my struggle, I'm trying to embrace it. I emphasize the word trying because I have definitely not mastered this whole "embrace change" thing. In fact, just this week I had a tantrum over a work situation. I still have a lot of growing to do, but right now I first need to have those moments- those crying, kicking & screaming tantrums. Personally, they allow me to stand up, move on and embrace the change. So if you see me throwing an adult tantrum - let me. I will soon get back up and move on- embracing it all.

So much has changed since June 2012. My dad can't do everything he wants to do. He can't walk the beach with my mom up at the cottage. He can't run around and play baseball with his 11 grandkids. He can't tend to his garden like he enjoys doing. I know he struggles with these changes. I pray that when he needs to have a tantrum about his situation- he is able to, I also pray that he's able to stand up, embrace the change, and enjoy life in other ways.

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, 

move with it, and enjoy the dance." - Alan Watts

Uneventful

Uneventful is a word that some may read and think "boring." But uneventful is a word that has been welcomed around here. Not much new to report the past week or so. Well until this weekend...

Dad has been feeling extra run down. He didn't make it to my daughter's birthday party this weekend and this morning when I got to his house he was quiet. He is a quiet man by nature, but I know the difference between his normal quiet and his something isn't right quiet.

A few minutes of silence and he said to me "I called ______ (name of Dr.) this morning, to let them know how bad I feel." For Dad to admit how bad he feels, he must feel really bad. :(

A few hours later, and him and my mom are on their way to being admitted to the cardiovascular center about an hour and a half away. I'm unsure of what this means, or what will happen. I'm praying it opens up some doors.

All prayers and thoughts are appreciated. My family could use them.

Faith

I can't imagine what it's like for my dad to be so vulnerable in front of us girls, his daughters and wife.

Yesterday I picked my dad up from the hospital after he was discharged we went back to the house. We sat in silence for awhile and I watched my dad sit quietly at the table trying to process everything.

I finally broke the silence and said "What are you thinking?"

It's hard for my dad to share things with us sometimes. He has been our protector for years and he knows we worry about him.

Dad shared with me a scripture verse that keeps coming to him (Psalm 46:10) and we talked about how he is in the best hands possible - God's. We hugged and we cried.

This morning as I reflect on that moment with my dad, I am thankful for our faith.

Yes we trust his team of Dr.'s but ultimately our faith is in God.

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

There is a lot of anxious feelings going around as we wait to find out what happens next. There is still so much unknown.