Embrace change.

I've struggled to find the time to blog, though the absence of blogging doesn't reflect the lack of having anything to blog about.

There has been many highs and lows since my last post, a birth (our third child was born in May!) and a death of a close loved one included.

Dad was being considered for a study (details here) and we found out in August that due to his current heart condition he did not qualify.  While we are disappointed, we are trusting that this door was closed for reasons beyond our understanding.

My whole life I've struggled with change. I put up a good fight, kicking and screaming (& many times crying). In this season, I'm realizing my struggle, I'm trying to embrace it. I emphasize the word trying because I have definitely not mastered this whole "embrace change" thing. In fact, just this week I had a tantrum over a work situation. I still have a lot of growing to do, but right now I first need to have those moments- those crying, kicking & screaming tantrums. Personally, they allow me to stand up, move on and embrace the change. So if you see me throwing an adult tantrum - let me. I will soon get back up and move on- embracing it all.

So much has changed since June 2012. My dad can't do everything he wants to do. He can't walk the beach with my mom up at the cottage. He can't run around and play baseball with his 11 grandkids. He can't tend to his garden like he enjoys doing. I know he struggles with these changes. I pray that when he needs to have a tantrum about his situation- he is able to, I also pray that he's able to stand up, embrace the change, and enjoy life in other ways.

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, 

move with it, and enjoy the dance." - Alan Watts

The Slippery Slope of Depression

How do you keep someone from falling into a depression?

Sometimes simply "being there" for someone just isn't enough. It breaks my heart to see my dad struggle with depression- focusing on  the things he can no longer do instead of appreciating what he can do.

:(

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

So much has happened in the past month. Where to start? Let's start and end with the most important news.

In the beginning of December my parents were told that my dad was just not bad enough. They were going to close his evaluation to get on the heart transplant list and revisit when necessary. It wasn't what we wanted to hear but we trusted God.

December 21st, my dad received a phone call from one of the heart transplant coordinators and was informed that the day prior- my dad's case came up again and the heart transplant team decided to list my dad.

My dad is officially listed for a heart transplant. His priority is low, but it was the news and hope we needed. The journey is far from over, in fact it's just beginning, but I'm happy to see it start.

Looking forward to 2013 and what God has in store for us.

Home sweet home

Dad was released from the hospital Wednesday night.

They adjusted some of him medications and we will go from there.

Yesterday I stopped by my parents house to see him and keep him company while my mom worked. He seemed to be doing ok but he needs to be very careful as to not over do anything.

He wanted to make my mom dinner, so he cut up some onions and sautéed them, a few minutes later he needed to take a rest. I followed in the kitchen behind him to finish making dinner for them both.

It's such an honor to be able to help my parents when they need a little help. I'm grateful to have such a flexible job and an understanding husband.

Uneventful

Uneventful is a word that some may read and think "boring." But uneventful is a word that has been welcomed around here. Not much new to report the past week or so. Well until this weekend...

Dad has been feeling extra run down. He didn't make it to my daughter's birthday party this weekend and this morning when I got to his house he was quiet. He is a quiet man by nature, but I know the difference between his normal quiet and his something isn't right quiet.

A few minutes of silence and he said to me "I called ______ (name of Dr.) this morning, to let them know how bad I feel." For Dad to admit how bad he feels, he must feel really bad. :(

A few hours later, and him and my mom are on their way to being admitted to the cardiovascular center about an hour and a half away. I'm unsure of what this means, or what will happen. I'm praying it opens up some doors.

All prayers and thoughts are appreciated. My family could use them.

As of last week- Thanksgiving is a GO!

A few weeks ago we were unsure if Thanksgiving for my side of the family was going to happen or not. The uncertainty that loomed in the air was a real bummer.

I keep reminding myself that Thanksgiving is just a day and while it's good to have one day to reflect on what we are thankful for, Thanksgiving doesn't have to happen in order to be thankful.

So far- Turkey day is a GO. While there is still uncertainty in the air (isn't there always?), I'm glad my dad is well enough for us to at least plan on having a Thanksgiving dinner together.

I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving this week. Enjoy your loved ones, and give them an extra big hug.

Looking on the bright side...

It wasn't what I wanted to hear.

Dad goes for another test next week, and will have a follow up appointment one month from now.

Basically this means that he has to get worse before he gets better.

Some would think of this as good news (and I'm really trying to be in that mindset), but it breaks my heart to see my dad's quality of life spiral downward with no end in sight (yet).

Philippians 4:7

Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

John 14:27
I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world can not give. So don't be troubled or afraid.

I'll be honest. Last night, I went to bed feeling discouraged. But I woke up this morning feeling peace. I'm thankful for a peace that is beyond my understanding.